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How to get over infidelity? 12 Easy Steps For a Smooth Transition

Metro lifestyle, facebook, internet chatting with unknown people, hectic schedules and commitments, complicated relationships – the reason to put the wrong step forward can be many. If you were indulging in infidelity, for a better future for yourself and for those around you, it is never late to think about coming out of infidelity. How to get over infidelity is a tough question to answer. It is more of a personal decision, based on ethical and emotional grounds. Here are the steps and issues to consider. 

How to get over infidelity? Steps to follow – 

Don’t tell it to your spouse – 

  • Many feel to tell it all to the spouse and promise them loyalty for life. Many think revealing will help them get rid of guilty feeling. Many think that their spouse will definitely forgive.
  • But you never know. Your husband or wife has not faced this situation before. This might give him the shock of his and he may ditch you.
  • Even if the relationship is continued, there will be many fissures and hurdles and both of you will take a long time to adjust to the new emotional environment, or would never be able to adjust yourself.
  • Odds are more than evens. Do not tell anything to your spouse.

Do not give signals to your spouse to know if you can tell or not. 

Many try to forecast what would happen if you reveal your hidden relationship. Many ask hinting questions to the spouse to check what would be the reaction.

It is not worth trying because,

  • His original reaction to the shocking news may be entirely different than the reactions that he gives to your probing / hinting questions and scenarios.
  • She may smell the rat and ditch you instantly.
  • There can never be a guarantee for the quality of outcome of your experimental moves.

Make the exit from your secret partner, safe and smooth.

  • Do not mess up the issue.
  • Use utmost smartness.
  • Use your words and moves with utmost care.
  • Make sure that the nightmare never ever returns to your life.
  • Ditch her once and for all.

Don’t waste time in feeling guilty about yourself.

It is not the time you sombre about past and feel guilty about yourself. It is the time for action. Stop infidelity further worsening your mindset.  To correct yourself and build a better future. Everyone in the world deserves a second chance, so do you! 

Avoid all sorts of distractions

Burn whole of your past memories, gifts, greeting cards, old dresses, whatever that brings back those bad memories, get rid of them, completely.

Let the love take the driver’s seat.

  • Concentrate and give your full attention to the one who is made for you, your spouse.
  • Give your full attention to him / her. Fill up the void in both of your lives.
  • Forgive his mistakes, it helps to forgive yourself.
  • Engage in love-full talks, plan for visiting place of worship, a family trip or an outside dinner, at least once a month.

Consider attending a counselling session.

You might have missed some view-points that you require to know. A third party counselor will be ideal to consult. He will help you explore all the pros and cons and he will be able to make your decision firmer and steps clearer.

Do not tell it / involve any other family members or friends.

They may take advantage of your past secrets, may be in the future, if not now. Hence keep your decisions, emotions and memories to yourself.

Engage more with family members.

  • When was the last time you kissed husband, hugged your children or respected elders? It is the time to do all those.
  • Be a real part of the family, at least now.
  • Attend to all family members.
  • Become an indispensable cog in the wheel of your family.
  • Take up extra responsibilities in the family.

Refresh yourself – 

Do not feel guilty about the past. In stead, take responsibility in your family, be proud of love that you are receiving. Try to reciprocate the same and be happy. 🙂

Consult Dr JV Hebbar

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